How I Cultivate Joy
3 small changes for big impact.
Martine Barrat for MaxMara, 1994
I think about joy every day. Maybe because it feels more attainable than happiness. Happiness feels like a life goal, something to achieve and dependent on external factors. While joy feels more immediate and tangible. It's being at peace about where and who I am right now. And after much research and growing pains, here are three ways I've come to unlock my joy - still very much a work in progress.
Romanticize the ordinary
There is a reason why I call my brand Ordinary Studio. And that's because for far too long the idea of being ordinary was a big fat nope. Nowadays, I spend time romanticizing the mundane. Whether it's cleaning my work space for greater mental clarity. Surrounding myself with objects that I love or even doing the laundry, I try to approach it all with gratitude. I've listened to enough Jay Shetty and Brené Brown conversations to understand that without the practice of gratitude, joy will never be unlocked. So my trick is to try and make it a tangible practice through gratitude journaling or saying three things I am grateful for every night before bed.
Embracing my inner child
I often get told that I don't act my age. At first I'd get offended. What does that even mean? How does one act their age? I sure as hell feel like an adult. I do adult things like go to work, pay my bills and wonder if the therapy I'm shelling hundreds of dollars for is working. So, what about me wasn't "adult". One violently cold Toronto morning as I rode the subway to work, it occurred to me. I liked to play. I play at work. I play at home. I play with my friends. I've got a near death grip on play because my inner child wouldn't have it any other way. Fuck society and their check-lists, I wasn't regressing from adulthood. I was no longer stifling my emotions and headed towards true self-acceptance. I feel the feels like a child. I comfort myself like a mom would a child. I sing out loud with no worries like a child. I try to be present in every moment, like a child with no worries about the future. Or at least I try. And I always ask myself this, how do you want to play today?
Check your relationships
I grew up incredibly sheltered, which then led to a suite of social anxieties that haunt me till this day. I remember desperately wanting friends and altering my personality to suit the people around me. This need for community and acceptance resulted in a lot of broken friendships, broken hearts and a very broken me. It wasn't until I got out of university that I'd realized the worth of my friendship. And the need to be more mindful of who I had in my circle. Why spend precious time with someone that depletes your energy, is toxic, too negative or consistently trauma dumps. The interpersonal relationships I cultivate need to leave me feeling empowered, loved, inspired, motivated and most importantly supported. There is joy centered within those relationships and I try to celebrate it as often as I can.